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"Oh!" you say. "You are SO lucky. I envy you!"

"Oh," I say in return, "you really shouldn't."

Here's why:

-12 hour flight from LA to London, and then ANOTHER flight from London to Milan.

-I do not speak Italian.

-I am there with my boss.

-From 10am to 6pm I get to stare at the inside walls of a conference hall and watch trailers of really. bad. movies.

-I have roughly 3 or 4 hours to go out and catch dinner before I should get back to the hotel and go to bed. This is when I get to "see the country." In the dark. While eating.

-Jet lag. From hell.

-I expect I'll get sick while I'm over there.

-I get nod my way through my days, pretending to understand my clients broken English.

-ANOTHER 12 hour flight plus connection.

-Whatever, it's a WORK trip. Which, if I fail to perform on it, will probably get me fired. Whee! Only not.

So, don't envy me. It's going to suck.

And really, the lower I set my standards, the more I hope to be surprised.

But please, PLEASE don't say "Oh! Italy! You lucky bitch!" Unless you're rolling your eyes and being sarcastic.

"Italy is a paradise for horses and hell for women."--German saying