�

But then I got to thinking�there have GOT to be songs out there that I�m totally janking up the lyrics to. Probably 50 songs that I know I�m singing the wrong words to, and 100 that I don�t.

Like �One Week� by the Barenaked Ladies, for instance. It�s one of those songs where I don�t think you�re even supposed to know all of the lyrics, ever. Kind of like REM�s �It�s The End of the World as We Know It,� if you know all of the words then it�s kind of creepy. I know all of the lyrics (or so I think) to Naughty By Nature�s �OPP� and people totally throw me weird looks when I bust it out. It might also be that it�s kind of dirty.

But I digress.

There are some songs I totally fake my way through, when I know that I really should know the lyrics but don�t. Think about it. You�re sitting in the car singing along to a song, and there is someone sitting next to you who seems to know all of the words, too. There is an unspoken rule here of lyrical knowledge. A pride that comes with knowing every single word. This is when you fake it. You sing along to all of the parts you know quite loudly so that the person who�s singing next to you knows that you know the lyrics. But then, when the part comes up that you�re unsure of or just plain don�t know�this is when you take a breath, or have a sudden cough, or turn your head to the window while still kind of humming so that it SOUNDS like you�re still singing, but they can�t make enough of it out to know that you�re not really singing the right lyrics. Oh, admit it.

Digressing again.

So� There are also times when you�re sure the next lyric is, say, �the best of what�s around, hey la, oh la, hey la,� and THEN a guitar riff. But then when you blurt out the lyrics (loudly remember; because you have to be sure the other person knows you�re just as good as they are) the riff is actually right there, BEFORE �the best of what�s around, hey la, oh la, hey la,� and you end up looking and sounding like an idiot. This is when you nonchalantly laugh it off or become totally haughty and act like it doesn�t matter, because you�re so much better than that song, anyway.

I think I�m screwing up this Santana song. I swear the song goes �el blah blah blah�alfredo pasta� I mean, it�s in Spanish anyway, so who�s to say that�s not what it really says? Maybe Santana is singing about Italian food. Carlos is not a small man, it�s possible. Who are you, like the friggin� Embassador to Ecuador?

And how about the song �Blinded by the Light?� I�m not posting what most people think the lyrics are, but it�s kind of grody and can give you yeast infections.

It was only a few years ago when I learned that in the Madonna song �Like a Prayer� she wasn�t actually singing �just like news to me, you are a mystery!� What? Like you�ve never screwed up a Madonna song before. What are the exact words to �Papa Don�t Preach?� Oh, really? Are you SURE?

Thought so.

But anyway, all I�m saying is to think about it next time you�re singing in the car with someone who knows the lyrics. Catherine Zeta Jones might have to help you out, too.

"Phoebe: I think the most romantic song is the one that Elton John wrote for that guy from 'Who's the Boss?'

Monica: Which one was that?

Phoebe: You know, uh, 'Hold me closer, Tony Danza.....'"--Friends