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What they don't tell you, is that you are, in fact, fully expected to lie to the Unemployment office.

The thing is, no one told me.

So I fill in this form and I'm perfectly honest.

And it's looking like my unemployment benefits are going to be cancelled because I pulled a George Washington and told the truth. The hell? No. The HELL?

This moral high ground is really confusing.

From now on, I'm just going to lie all of the time.

So, my life is going really well right now. I've got a great job that I enjoy and money is no object. I'm thrilled with my body and have no desire to lose weight. The government and I are getting along fabulously and my love life could not be going better. I always seem to be in a great mood--it seems like my blood is suddenly flowing with Prozac. I'm feeling like my sense of humor is more fine-tuned than ever and optimism is coming out of my ears. Life. Is. Good.

But this lying thing sucks.