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Nonsense, you say, you have absolute gobs going for you.

I respond with silence, waiting for the "but." It always comes sooner or later.

You're my best friend! ...But I'm going to take her on our family's camping trip. Wow, you're smart! ...But she's a bit smarter. You're pretty! ...But she's hot. You're good! ...But you'll never make it in this business. You are so funny! ...But he's funnier. You're doing great! ...But you're fired.

Then I'd always been able to break IT out.

You're a redhead! Yep, I say. ...But I tan.

You: Wait, you're a redhead.

Me: Yes.

You: But you tan.

Me: There's that "but" again.

That was the one thing that had been consistently mine and mine alone.

But (yes, the "but" again) today I got burned. Burned!

Not just tenderness-for-a-day-you-look-a-little-pink, but full-out holy-crap-your-skin-matches-your-hair-and-oh-my-God-it's-starting-to-bubble! BURNED.

It's going to peel, I KNOW it.

And I'm supposed to take my roommate out with a bunch of friends this weekend for his big 25th birthday! My face will be peeling and two-toned and no amount of foundation will help. And I'm going to look like Michael Jackson with his face coming off, or one of those crazy movie antagonists who's faces rip off to reveal someone else, who's more sinister and evil.

Come to think of it, maybe that would be a good thing. Maybe all of the skin on my body will peel off to reveal a different girl. One who's smarter, and prettier, and funnier, and good enough.

And maybe a brunette?

"Vivian: Red.

Edward: Better." -- Pretty Woman