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But this time he was totally dissappointing and lame. The following is his letter:

"TO ALL RESIDENTS:

Do the suprising [yeah, no typo there, somebody didn't proofread their fake letter] and unexpected negative reaction to my plan to install closed circuit television cameras in each apartment [yes, shocking], I am changing my method to get tenant compliance with the building rules and regulations. [...Because he's such a stickler for laws and stuff...]

I realize now that the cost of installing a high tech monitoring system was not justified because I would be spending too much time trying to catch offenders. [Much like the jackass who wrote this letter has been spending too much time trying to aggrivate poor Don, the building's owner... though we've been having fun with it.] Therefore I have another idea that may benefit all of us. [Ooooo, what is it?!]

I will be setting up a seperate toll free telephone number so you can reach me directly and privately. [Oh, come on crank yanker, you can do better than that. Lame! To be honest I expect more from you.] If you have information that another tenant in the building is violating any rules you will be able to contact me in the strictest confidence I will then be following up to verify that a violation is taking place and will attempt to get evidence that would possibly include your testimory or written statement so I can force the offending tenant to stop breaking the rules. [So glad that you're also so fond of punctuation.] Once I have established to my satisfaction that your lead was accurate I will deal directly with the offenders.

Here is the important part for you. [The important part for me! Yay!] Firstly your name will remain strictly confidential. [Glad we got that straight.] You have my word that your name will never be disclosed to the offending tenant. [Yeah, you said that.] They will never know who reported the violation. [Under redundant, see redundant.] Secondly as an incentive to you to keep me informed of any violations of my rules and regulations I will be giving a cash reward of $100.00 for each report that results in the identification and punishment of the offending tenant. [He (or she) bolded that, not me.] Once I have verified that your lead was accurate I will reduce your next month's rent by $100.00. [So that's the imporant part for me.]

And there is no limit to the number of rewards any single tenant can receive. If you report two offending incidents in one month you would get a $200.00 credit to the next months rent. [Wow, so I could set up old lady McMorris and put trash outside her door and drop towels and stuff over her railing! And if I did it enough times, maybe Don would owe ME money! I'll never have to pay rent again!!] The two reports could be on the same tenant or two different tenants. [Glad we cleared that up.]

Now you all know that fairness to tenants is one of my primary concerns. [Absolutely, NotDon. For sure.] So in order to be fair if a tenant gives me a lead about another tenant that turns out to be false or made up I will penalize that tenant by adding $100.00 to their next months rent. [Blast! Old lady McMorris gets away by a hair!]

Please refer to your lease and the rules of the building to refresh yourself. [I'd prefer a nice iced tea or a swim, but okay.] Feel free to call me if you have any questions.

Thank you in advance for your cooperation,

Don [Omitted for the sake of both Don and NotDon], Owner"

Come ON, that could have been so much better. Frankly, I expect alot more from NotDon. Next time buddy, no letters until you think of something good.

"You never know where the truth ends and the humbug begins." -- Hepcat Helm (XF, Humbug)