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As last year's winner, Kelly is all over the place. Dominating the charts, taking up 8 out of 10 places on MTV's top ten videos, and raking in millions of dollars in worldwide concert tours.

I can sure see why this year's finalists were so thrilled to be chosen. I mean, with the kind of exposure Kelly got after the competition was over? And for the months after that? Who wouldn't want the coveted title of American Idol after Kelly got so much exposure?

Hey, wait a minute... You say. I haven't heard one thing from Kelly Clarkson. Did she die?

The answer is, yes. Kelly, or at least her initial momentum, is totally dead. And while we can all hope for the release of next year's smash-hit film To Clay, From Ruben, I think it's safe to blow out the candles this year to wishes of... equal Ruben obscurity.

"Eeeeeeeeee!" -- Voices heard 'round the world upon Kelly's crowning.