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Now, the process of removal encompasses a mild anesthetic, a waiting period while the anesthetic kicks in, and then the actual procedure.

I'm here today to talk about the middle one.

For some reason, my dermatologist decided that instead of leaving me a magazine and catching up on some paperwork while the anesthetic kicked in, he was going to stay in the examination room and talk to me. Which is just peachy. The only problem was, that he wanted to talk about nothing else but the Laci/Scott Peterson case.

It went a little something like this:

Dr. Talksalot: Just a little pinprick here, shouldn't hurt. ...So, what do you think of this whole Laci Peterson thing?

Me: It's a real shame. Her poor family.

Dr. T: Do you think Scott Peterson did it?

Me: I don't know who else would, but I haven't really been following the case.

Dr. T: What was he thinking?

Me: I really wouldn't know.

Dr. T: I mean, if he's going to dump her body, why would he do it in the same place he went fishing? That's really stupid.

Me: Maybe someone saw him there.

Dr. T: He got that new flashy attorney.

Me: Did he?

Dr. T: Doing it pro-bono. Man, that guy just wants press.

My Internal Dialogue: Is this guy even listening to me? Let's check.

Me: Did he?

Dr. T: They got all of that evidence held up somewhere, the judge won't let it out to the press.

My Internal Dialogue: Looks like a no, there. I wonder if he'll talk about anything else.

Me: Well, they haven't picked a jury yet. Don't want to taint the pool, probably.

Dr. T: You know who they need on the jury?

My Internal Dialogue: Nope. Don't care, either, but I bet you're going to tell me!

Dr. T: A bunch of divorced men. A lot of guys who got screwed over by their wives and are really, really bitter.

My Internal Dialogue: I wonder when he's actually going to remove this thing.

Dr. T: I mean, look at OJ. They got a few black people on the jury and he was off! They didn't care what he did, they were never going to put him in JAIL!

Me: I don't think black people actually SUPPORT murder...

Dr. T: I wonder what all of that evidence they took from the house was.

My Internal Dialogue: I wonder if I sit here long enough if the anesthetic will actually work it's way into my bloodstream and numb me from this entire conversation.

Dr. T: So do you think he did it?

Me: OJ?

Dr. T: Scott Peterson.

Me: Like I said, I have no idea.

Dr. T: Why would he dump the body there? That is SO stupid.

My Internal Dialogue: Oh my God, we're back at the beginning. Give me the scalpel, I'll do it myself.

Dr. T: And that attorney of his?

My Internal Dialogue: Lovely. My own personal Groundhog Day. ... I'd bet if I moved fast enough, I could take the scalpel to my wrists before he could stop me.

Dr. T: Just wants the media attention.

My Internal Dialogue: Damn, he's got all of that gauze, he could stop the bleeding before it killed me. I'll have to go right for my jugular, then.

Dr. T: I'd bet I could get on that jury.

Me: Merciful. Zeus. We're going to have a murder trial of our own, here.

Dr. T: Huh? Did you say something?

Luckily, the mole he removed turned out to be perfectly healthy. If it hadn't I would have had to go back.

"Security Officer: I'm sorry, but you're not on the guest list.

David Addison: That's because we're not guests. We're looking for a man with a mole on his nose.

Security Officer: A mole on his nose?

Maddie Hayes: A mole on his nose.

Security Officer: [to Maddie] What kind of clothes?

Maddie Hayes: [to David] What kind of clothes?

David Addison: What kind of clothes do you suppose?

Security Officer: What kind of clothes do I suppose would be worn by a man with a mole on his nose? Who knows?

David Addison: Did I happen to mention, did I bother to disclose, that this man that we're seeking with the mole on his nose? I'm not sure of his clothes or anything else, except he's Chinese, a big clue by itself.

Maddie Hayes: How do you do that?

David Addison: Gotta read a lot of Dr. Seuss.

Security Officer: I'm sorry to say, I'm sad to report, I haven't seen anyone at all of that sort. Not a man who's Chinese with a mole on his nose with some kind of clothes that you can't suppose. So get away from this door and get out of this place, or I'll have to hurt you -- put my foot in your face." -- Moonlighting