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I'm a schooled player in the wide world of being a bridesmaid. And always something exciting in each experience.

In Megan's wedding, I had to wear flat shoes so I wouldn't be taller than the groom, and I made it my duty to make sure that my parents got along so that my sister's wedding went by hitch less so that she wouldn't have to worry about it. I'm lucky that my parents are grown-ups and that they could handle it.

The night of the bachelorette party for Patty's wedding, we were caught up in the whirlwind of the great Blackout of 2003, and we had to make due with getting completely shitfaced in a crowded Bennigan's in Okemos, Michigan. A bachelorette party. In a Bennigan's. I'd like to see you make that work. Then of course, there was the fact that the bride threw water at us because we wouldn't let her start smoking again and a large, possibly poisonous insect of unknown origins that we ran from during the wedding pictures.

Erin's wedding was pretty uneventful (in a good way) other than the fact that it was the week after September 11th, and I was the only member of the wedding party that had to fly. Scary experience, that.

But I think it's safe to say that Regina's wedding was the most adventure-filled of all.

I had to take the red-eye to Boston from LA the night before the bachelorette party, and as I'm over six feet tall and don't sleep well anywhere anyway, I didn't sleep at ALL on the flight. As a result, during the course of the five days that I was in Massachusetts for my cosmic twin's wedding, I saw the inside of my eyelids for a total of about 12 hours. Thus resulting in my completely bawling at the wedding AND reception, because lack of sleep seems to make me really emotional for some reason, and most of Regina's family and friends probably think I'm some fruitcake drama queen with a penchant for emotional outbursts and a wellspring (literally) of tears. Regina's bachelorette party was at this sweet bar that was selling Red Stripe for a dollar as well as hosting nightly karaoke. One does not need to be a mathematician to come up with a formula for THAT one.

I rapped Salt N Pepa's Whatta Man if you must know, and Regina ended up clogging.

The night of the wedding (it was a morning ceremony) I was the only sober person who knew how to drive a stick, and one thing sort of led to another, so I found myself driving to Worcester, Mass with a drunk girl's car filled to the brim with people I didn't know, and the vehicle's owner yelling at me that she hated me because she thought I got us lost, when in reality she didn't realize that we all were supposed to meet the rest of the wedding party at a bar 20 miles away, and NOT actually just drive the three blocks to Burger King and back to the motel.

I think the best part of that wedding though, had to have been the morning of the wedding when I was supposed to walk down from my motel room (a motor lodge on a hill behind the inn where the wedding took place) with my dress, etc. to get my hair done before the ceremony. You see, I was wearing a huge manly plaid button-down shirt (so as not to have to pull a cute girl shirt over my newly coiffed hair), a pair of tear-away track pants because they were comfortable, and to save myself the hassle, I wore the heely-girly-shoes that I was going to wear in the wedding, and just carried my dress with me on a hanger and over my arm which was also loaded with my big cosmetics bag and my purse.

Are you picturing this? Read through that last paragraph again and get the picture in your head.

Now, imagine if you will, me stepping out of a hotel room early in the morning and closing the door quietly behind me, so as not to wake up my friend Lynda who was sleeping inside and was gracious enough to split a room with me. Picture me turning to walk down the hill to the Inn. Picture two women leaving their motel room at the same time and turning in time to see me walk out. Picture the looks on their faces and then the look on mine as I turn to see them. Are you seeing this? Good. Then say it with me--echo the words that came out of my mouth to the women, who didn't believe me for a second. Are you ready? Here we go:

"This isn't what it looks like!"

Hear their clucks of disapproval and disbelief. See me do the 100 yard Walk of Shame to the inn, not only NOT doing the REAL walk of shame, but also having only gotten about 3 hours of sleep the night before.

Good times.

"I say go ahead and do whatever you want to do. You can always look back and say 'Oh shit. I shouldn't have done that.'" --Cher