�

Here's a little backstory: My parents are divorced. They divorced when I was five (my sister was seven), my father remarried but again divorced, and my mother remarried when I was nine and has been happily married to my stepfather (who I adore) since. Our parents (mom & dad) do not get along, and would just as soon (to quote the X-Files) stick their fingers in a light socket than talk to each other (let alone be in the same room). Try being a little kid and dealing with that. Nowadays, everyone is normal and fairly happy and my sister and I (who live on opposite ends of the country) get home only once or twice a year.

And every year, no matter how judiciously we split our time between families, someone ends up feeling bad that we spent more time with Dad (or Mom) and we end up feeling guilty. My sister and I spend hours on the phone before Christmas trying to come up with a plan that will split time evenly with each parent (and step parent) and no matter how well we think we've done, it's never quite good enough.

As I told my sister today, I'm so sick of this broken-home guilt shit that I can't fucking take it anymore.

No matter how hard we try, we will never make everyone happy, and some parent will always feel jealous/hurt/angry that we spent yea amount of time with the other one. I can't even imagine how I dealt with this when I was a little kid--not only did I have myself convinced that my parents divorce was my fault (and on particularly sibling-rivalry-filled days, my sister's) but I would always necessarily have to spend time with one parent at the expense of time with another.

I got an email from my mother today telling me that while she's thrilled I'm going to come home over the 4th of July, I should try to make some time to spend with her and my step dad because my step dad felt like I spent all of my spare time with my dad over Christmas.

I flew off the handle.

I don't think anyone other than my sister can quite appreciate how much energy and heartache I put into splitting my time between my two families. It's always at the back of my mind when I'm home. Vacations just don't feel like vacations when I fly home because I set aside stress for one thing and pick it up over another.

For once in my life, I feel like I'm in the right and that maybe it's my parents that need to grow the fuck up and stop being so goddamn sensative.

"WE'RE DOING THE BEST WE CAN, DAMMIT!" -- Mr. Holland, Mr. Holland's Opus