�

Marry me, please. You were brilliant as Captain Jack Sparrow. Absolutely brill. And even though you were wearing eyeliner the whole time, surprisingly hot. Marry me and I promise I won�t make 21 Jump Street jokes or anything.

Dear Orlando Bloom,

If Johnny decides he�d rather stay in France and married to that other chick, will you marry me? I know that I made Heath Ledger the same promise after The Patriot, but that thing? With the other thing? You got it. And would you mind if I called you Legolas? Cause I watched The Lord of the Rings on DVD again today, and now I�ve got this thing for elves. And after tonight, also pirates.

Dear Keira Knightly,

It�s really refreshing to see a movie with a female lead that has a genuine British accent. So, thanks for getting yourself cast and talking and stuff.

Dear Geoffery Rush,

Thank you for saying �argh.� Please let me refer you to my dentist. She�s got TV�s in the exam rooms and everything. You can even listen to ABBA while they�re drilling. Oh, and good job!

Dear Disney,

The fact that you made a movie out of a Disneyland ride notwithstanding, you actually made a pretty decent movie there. It�s almost enough to forgive you for that The Haunted Mansion trailer. Almost.

Dear Doritos, Diet Coke and Red Vines,

There are no words. I love you. Deeply.

"Argh." -- Geoffery Rush, Pirates of the Carribean-Curse of the Black Pearl