�

Well, you'd be right.

But then after all that, we found a leg. On the beach. Not connected to anyone, mind you, just kind of decomposing and femur-y and... leg.

You see, on the Fourth, me, Dr. No, and our friends Kylee and Kelly decide to hit up the beach (where we swim) and do a little BBQ in celebration of our country's birthday. And we did!

Then Kelly and I got to talking about hitting up a biker bar that we'd wanted to hit up in Malibu on today, Saturday. So we do.

And after a rousing lunch of fish and chips on PCH, we felt like crossing the street to go watch the surfers doing their thing. So we did.

Then I decide that we should walk along the bluff and take in more scenery. So we do.

When we get to an outcropping next to a staircase that leads down to the rocky shore, we notice this teenage couple prodding something sitting on the rocks. Our conversation was as follows:

Me: Ew. I think they found something dead.

Kelly: Is it a fish?

Dr. No: I don't think it's a fish, it looks like a... damn, I don't know.

At this point, I made eye contact with the teenaged surfer dude.

Me: *yelling* What is that thing?!

Teenaged Surfer Dude: *also yelling* We think it's a leg! Come look!

Dr. No: A what?

Kelly: A wait... Did he say LEG?

Me: Should we...? I think... I'm going.

So we get to the bottom of the stairs and I'm looking at the leg and I make Dr. No go first because I'm totally and suddenly freaked out.

And upon his further inspection and Kelly and I's couple-feet-away inspection, it's determined that it is INDEED part of a human leg with hair and everything and Teenaged Surfer Chick pulls out the cell phone to call the cops. And she does.

We discuss where exactly we are to try and explain it to them and she finally gets through to a dispatcher where upon she says:

Teenaged Surfer Chick: Hi, I'm up on the beach in front of Neptune's Net on the county line here in Malibu and I've got what I think is a decomposing eroding what I'm about 90% sure is a human leg.

End quote.

We all really wanted to find out what indeed it was, but we were all feeling the need for perhaps some peppermint tea and maybe hitting up the Starbuck's. So we did.

Now, I'm quite freaked out by the fact that we weren't swimming terribly far from the leg, and also terribly far from sharks. Lucikly (I suppose) I discovered both of these things after I had partook of the swimming.

And now I'm thinking that maybe I shouldn't tell my mother about this. So I won't. And I don't want you to, either.

"Now that's a bleepin' dead alien body if I ever bleepin' saw one." -- Detective Manners, "Jose Chung's From Outer Space," The X-Files