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You know when I was talking about the thin walls? This just in! They're still thin. And aforementioned Guy In Apartment Next To Ours Hacking Up Phlegm Every Morning (at 6am)? Still hacking up phlegm every morning (at 6am). It's seriously the most disgusting thing EVER. And when I say he does it every morning at six o'clock, I MEAN he does it every morning at six o'clock. I have tried everything from sleeping with a pillow over my head (it doesn't drown out all of those other neighborly noises, either) to waking up at 5:55 and putting my iPod on it's 15 minute sleep mode so I can try to listen to music for the fifteen minutes he's covering his walls in mucus. (Not that I know for sure that he's actually covering his walls in mucus, but with the sheer amount of hacking and throat-clearing he does, I would have a hard time believing that his walls, furniture, whathaveyou are not dripping with viscous sludge.)

Gagging yet?

So am I.

Seriously? It is SO disgusting. Just thinking about it makes me dry heave. In our old apartment, a flock of ravens would occassionally descend on the power line outside my window and caw loudly until I gave up and crawled out of bed, but I would rather that every single morning and night as I try to sleep than having to wake up every morning to the phlegm-spewing fuckwit who lives on the other side of my bedroom wall.

You should know he's also fond of the word "bastard" and uses it liberally. If by 'fond' you take it to mean 'one-of-maybe-five-words-in-his-lexicon' and by 'uses' you take it to mean 'YELLS A LOT.'

Someone needs to kill me before I kill him. Or maybe the lung cancer will finally do him in and harmony will be restored to the world (or at least my sleep cycle).