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Let me explain to you something that happened to me yesterday, and while you can keep in mind that I was PMSing at the time, you totally would have done the same thing. Okay, on second thought, I don't want to relive the whole thing but let me just tell you a few things: 1) We are completely out of plates. The only fucking plates we have are tiny, clear plastic plates the size of a saucer. 2) I have a coworker who's a total bitch. We'll call her Bitchy McAttitude. Because that's what she is and that's what she has. 3) I can only do one thing at a time. Unlike a computer, which can multitask, I cannot. Let me give you an example--if I am on the phone talking to a client, I cannot answer a question shouted in my ear at the same time. Unlike The Great Mutato, I only have one mouth.

Now, the phone was ringing off the hook yesterday while a rep was setting up a lunch that they were supposed to supply everything for (food, drink, PLATES, napkins, etc.) Now, apparently, the place the rep got the food was supposed to include plates and didn't, so the rep asked me if we had any. Very nicely, I informed her that ALL WE HAD were tiny, clear plastic plates the size of a saucer and gave her some, very apologetically. Soon, I began to get more and more phone calls, one of which was from Bitchy McAttitude asking me (with lots and lots of attitude) if they were ready for Bitchy and her coworkers to come up to the meeting. In the midst of all of these phone calls, I checked with the rep (who was not ready) and then told Bitchy that they weren't ready, but that I would let her know as soon as they were. Two seconds later, Another Employee asks me for plates. I inform her, while trying to help someone else on the phone, that all we have are the tiny, clear plastic plates the size of a saucer. She then huffs off into the kitchen (where she's not really supposed to be) to go look for herself. And you know what? You're welcome to it, Another Employee, because WE DON'T FUCKING HAVE ANY OTHER FUCKING PLATES! Knock yourself the fuck out! Well, I get twenty other phone calls and three OTHER people asking me for plates. Like, within five minutes. You can imagine my frustration, and perhaps I was a little short with the last two or three people, but CHRIST. The next thing I know, Bitchy McAttitude comes up in a big huff and goes into the boardroom. Fine. The rep didn't tell me that they were ready for her, but whatever, if she wants to come up and wait that's peachy fucking keen, I don't care.

WELL, today, my boss comes to me to tell me that she's gotten several complaints about my "attitude." From, (you guessed it), Bitchy McAttitude, Another Employee, and one third person who she couldn't remember. They made an official complaint that I was "attitude-y" with them and that I GAVE THEM SMALL PLATES YESTERDAY and then DIDN'T CALL THEM WHEN THE MEETING WAS SET TO START.

What the FUCK?! The "attitude" I can sort of understand because I'll admit that I was a bit short with a few people there at the end. But if it's a one time thing and I'm clearly frustrated and also on the phone, by myself and trying to juggle 15 different things with you yapping in my ear about plates, you'd think you'd either A) cut me some slack, B) talk to me yourself and maybe resolve it, or C) BOTH. I'm always very nice and have never given anyone an "attitude" before. The need to run off an tattle is both stupid and infantile. Which leads me to Bitchy McAttitude. If this tattle-tale thing is the way it works around here, I'm royally fucking pissed that I didn't run to my boss to complain about HER. She wasn't just short with me on the phone when asking about the clients, but she was straight up rude. To-my-face, I-want-you-to-know-I-hate-you RUDE.

I'm pissed, hurt, and more than a little... okay, I'm mostly just pissed. Revenge pissed. I think the fact that tomorrow is April Fools Day is practically a sign from God.

Don't you?

"He said I said what?!" -- Scully, The X-Files