I Did What? I Love Vegas!


According to the newish commercials from the Las Vegas Travel Bureau, supposedly, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. In light of this declaration, I feel I would be wrong to breach the confidence held within the borders of Las Vegas proper. So, I'm going to take an oath of silence and keep to myself the stories of some of the events I was witness to this past weekend.

But, I am not a total black hole of sharing, and as I know some of you get a vicarious thrill from this site on occasion, here's a random list of quotes I compiled over the course of the weekend. They're arbitrary and without preamble, but should give you a pretty good idea of just how insane the last three days were.

(The only set-up I can give you is that we left Friday after work, got back last night (Sunday) at 11:00pm, never went to sleep before 6am, and I have no voice left.)

"My neck hurts from watching the naked trapeze girls." -- Linas

"Hey Rave, um, what room are we in?" -- Matt

"The elevator isn't going to give you a warning, Linas, you're just going to plummet to your death." -- Me

"It's naked Linas time!" -- Tom

"We've got a thong down here." -- Me

"Wait. What transvestite?" -- Mark

"I came home in a limo, but I don't know how. I didn't pay for it." -- Tom

"What says Linas more than a midget stripper?" -- Kylee

"Heh, heh. It's a big cock." -- Linas

"Something about Heather, her shoes... and I think there may have been a pit boss in there somewhere, too." -- Me

"I forget I'm gay sometimes." -- Tom

Tom: Ass shot!

Me: I didn't need to see that by daylight.

"I don't know if you want to lay there." -- Linas

"I love lipstick lesbians! Wait a minute..." -- Me

"Tom, if I were a gay man..." -- Kylee

"Sorry. Big girl bitter." -- Me

"She's not my girlfriend, you fucking cockblocker!" -- Anand

"What the fuck? Is that a Martian starship?" -- Linas

Pit Boss: We've got flagrant swearing at table 27.

Arvind: Hey, that's me!

*the phone rings*

Linas: *falsetto/weird accent* Hello?

Front Desk: Hi. What time were you planning on checking out today?

Linas: *falsetto/weird accent* This is housekeeping.

Front Desk: Oh, great. Thank God they're out of there. How long will it take you to clean?

Linas: *falsetto/weird accent* Fifteen minutes.

Front Desk: Wonderful. Could you blah blah other floor blah?

Linas: *falsetto/weird accent* Yes.

Front Desk: Great, thanks. Bye.

Linas: *falsetto/weird accent* Yes.

*hangs up*

Linas: All right, we gotta get out of here!

And, finally, this one will remain anonymous:

"Tom and Linas got married, but I missed it because I was in jail." -- Anonymous



2004-08-09 2:56 p.m.

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